How To Not Get Embarrassingly Drunk At Dark Lord Day

Last year was my first time attending the craft beer wonderland known as Dark Lord Day. I had zero idea what to expect. I wasn’t ready for bottle sharing in line, the guest taps, or the tents full of 3 Floyd’s beer. But I had heard the stories. The stories of people getting blackout drunk by noon. The people who were so hungover they couldn’t leave their hotel rooms the next day. I knew I didn’t want to suffer the same fate so I came up with a plan. And the plan worked. I wasn’t hungover the next day and I never felt out of control drunk. Maybe that’s what you want to do and you don’t need a guidebook to tell you how to get so drunk you trip over your shoes and smash your face into a barricade. But if you want to stay coherent and enjoy the rest of your weekend follow this guide.

  1. You should be hydrating now. There are only a few days left and you should already be avoiding alcohol and caffeine. You should also be increasing your water intake by at least double. I have a 20oz reusable water bottle that I fill every couple of hours at work. Soon you are going to be drinking more beer than you could possibly imagine. You can go a few days without beer.

2. Don’t get sick. I bought a box of Emergen-C and I’ve been drinking a packet every day this week. You DO NOT want to be sick for Dark Lord Day. I know someone who was sick last year and it did not end well.

3. Don’t go HAM at the Friday night bottle share. Do you really want to wake up hungover on Dark Lord Day? Have a couple of small pours and make some new friends but do not over do it. Yeah, I know…there’s a bottle of barrel aged Hunahpu just sitting there waiting for you to try it but trust me there are going to be plenty of whalez for you to tick come sunrise.

4. Buy a camelbak bladder and put it in your backpack. Last year the best thing I did was bring a 2.5 liter camelbak filled with water. Ran the hose up the top and through the loop on the backpack. BOOM! I had water whenever I needed it. For every oz of beer I drank I sipped an equal amount of water. You will pee….a lot. But it will all be worth it. Trust me.

5. Don’t bring a tasting glass larger than 5oz. I know. It sounds crazy, right? But you will be drinking high octane beers for upwards of 12 hours. Take a 3oz taste, move on to the next thing. By the time you hit beer number 15 your taste buds are going to be shot anyways. You aren’t going to remember half of what you drank so why take giant pours that will only end up with you being very sad the next day.

6. Take an hour break. Seriously at some point just stop. I know…someone just popped a Bourbon County Vanilla Rye and it’s tasting SO GOOD but I need you to get up and stretch your legs. Go watch a band, go eat some food(you definitely need to do this), take in all the majesty that is Dark Lord Day. You made it. Soak it up. When you’re done you’ll be ready for round 2.

7. Stop drinking. I know it’s hard but when you feel like things are wrapping up and it’s time to call the Uber back to the hotel, stop drinking. You are done. You will have had dozens of beers at that point. What more do you think you can taste? What more could you possibly need? Seriously around 5pm its time to wrap it up. You did good. I’m proud of you. You survived Dark Lord Day and tomorrow you’ll even be able to remember enough of it to tell your friends what happened.

 

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